Why do Gorilla's have small balls?

Having tiny nuts isnt a sign that you are a loser, rather, its an indication that you are king, the alpha male, the grandaddy pimp of the animal world. So why do Gorillas have small balls? Simple- they dont need big ones.

You see, the gorilla is a pimp, its social system is called a harem- one male gorilla to several females and their young. Its really nice to see an entire gorilla family just chilling out- father, mothers, and kids (occasionally the females may engage in some bitchslapping because frankly, you'll get pissed too if you had to share your silverback with another female). Anyway, they remain faithful to each other, the females dont sleep around, and the male fights to protect and care for them.

This brings me to the point about parental investment (technical term). Primates (like gorillas, apes, you and me) take extremely long to reach maturity (refer to previous post). In between all the crying and screaming and baby arse wiping, you also gotta think about feeding and protection and habitat and whatever. Think about it, would you spend your time, money and effort taking care of a brat that isnt yours? I dont think so, neither will the male gorilla, with limited food and resources it cannot afford to. If im gonna care for some kid it better be carrying my genes, no use caring for some black kid that came from my chinese wife if you get what i mean.

After a nice shag the male gorilla is certain (paternal certainty) that the semen carried in its lady's ovaries is its own, and if any sperm is gonna be fertilising the egg, its gonna be his. Some other animals however, dont have such assurance. In the animal kingdom (as in most clubs, pubs and nightspots) the females have the upper hand. For every available female there will be a proportionately higher number of males offering dick. The female can take her pick whereas the rest get filtered out (refer to previous post, evolution and dead virgins).

Some females are classified as promiscous (technical term, not mine), they may have mutiple partners. This is beneficial because she can ensure that only the best sperm survives (out of the pool of many) and that her offspring has a maximal chance of thriving. If you were one of the lucky candidates that gets to mate you wanna maximise the chances of your sperm being the last man standing at the gates to the egg (sperm competition). To do that, you gotta get as many of your soldiers into the fray, to compete with soldiers from other camps. And to do that, you need a lot of jizz, you need to ejaculate more than your rivals. To have more of that love juice, you need larger nuts.

The gorilla doesnt need large nuts because its females are faithful. (Furthermore, some species have semen that forms a vaginal plug so that ejaculate from other males cant get through!).
In summary, if you have large nuts, it's nothing to be proud of. It just means your lady's banging with the neighbours.

Now that you know why gorillas have nano sized nuts, go google the following
i) sexual fitness
ii) sperm competition
iii) parental investment
iv) paternal/ parental certainty

Next time il tell you how we rule the world from the kitchen

Evolution and dead virgins

Science shouldnt be atas, it shouldnt be the sole purview of the intelligentsia or exploited by the bourgeoisie, it should be accessible to the masses, and rearticulated to fit the circumstances of the everyman, something average Joe can relate to. But ignorance is bliss and knowledge brings pain, and for the everyman, i have info here that will either free you or make you sad. (if you want the more scientific explanation, scroll to the bottom)

Here's why there's a 50% chance that men who die virgins deserve to do so:

Your gene is selfish, it doesnt know whether you drive a WRX or take Bus 11, it doesnt know whether you are a investment banker with JP Morgan or a VCD seller, and neither does it care. All it knows and cares for is that it must pass itself on to your offspring. And in order for that to happen, you need to fuck.

The desire for sex is fundamental to our survival, and the survival of all Eukaryotic, multicellular species on this planet (even plants have sex, more next time). When my women friends say that men only think about sex, i reply that if we werent like so, the race wont survive. So ya, maybe Freud was right, sex is the fundamental driving force in human nature.

Moving on, in order for you to fuck, there must be someone to fuck. The peacock must find the peahen to mate with, it cant just screw a feather duster, and since most animals save for primates (humans, apes, chimps, bonobos etc), dont have opposable thumbs or hands for that matter, i doubt that the peacock is able to wank, so the only way for the peacock to satisfy its very natural horniness is to screw a peahen. If it does, it will pass on its genetic material to the peachicks that the peahen produces, the generation repeats and peacocks continue to live.

So why would a peahen sleep with a peacock? Did the stud buy her a drink, take her out on dates or promise her that lucrative promotion at the office? Well, it's because she finds him pretty. So here it is, what men have been searching for their entire lives, the very secret that drives men to Indonesia and Thailand to consult the shamans for magical concoctions, the secret that NS men have been fervently searching for in the pages of FHM and other second rate skin mags.........what would make a female sleep with you.......

1) Have good genes
2) Be a provider

Why do women like tall broad shouldered men, flat stomachs, straight teeth, chiselled features as opposed to Quasimodo the Hunchback of Notre Dame? Simple, its the genes and state of health. Thats why peacocks need the pretty feathers, the beauty of their feathers indicates how healthy they are.

Thats why if you are buck teethed, overweight and unevenly footed with the mental capacity of a drooling half retarded camel you dont find women queing up to sleep with you- cos your genes are obviously fucked up some where. Do you think they want such fucked up DNA in them? Do you think a woman would wanna nauseously bear another human being for 9mths then painfully squeeze it out her pussy and be rewarded with a smaller, dumber, more drooly version of you and then raise it for the next 15 years? I dont think so.

But of course, i sound too cruel. I myself am far from perfect. My feet point 45 degrees outwards, i often have people enquire about my hernia condition or swollen gonads. My face is a nice short angular square with the resemblance of a mahjong tile, women arent exactly queing up for me either. We cant choose the conditions of our birth nor the genes that constitute us. So how?

2) Be a provider
Do you find women who openly declare that they'd like to be impregnated by irresponsible men and then abandoned during their nauseous 9mths of childbearing? Hav u come across women who say they love to be single mothers juggling 2 jobs and 3 babies because the father of her children left them? I dont think so. You see, females, especially mammals (thats you and me) are extremely vulnerable when they are heavy with child, because of the gestation period (9mths). After the child is born, it will require supervision, care and feeding until it reaches maturity- humans take bloody long to do that, there are 23 yr olds who are still terribly immature.
Now which do you think a human female would prefer-
a) penniless, doesnt wanna get a job, can hardly provide for himself let alone wife and kids, no future ah seng
b) drive fast car, stable income , can send kids for piano lesson, next month get promoted ah huat.
If you cant answer this question you are probably too stupid to raise kids and therefore shouldnt have them.

So to my fellow men out there, stop bitching about how women only care about money and good looks, go out there and get a job, improve yourself and go for a jog.

So why do some losers die virgins? Well, in a cruel, pure biological sense (over here i will use animals as examples), an organism which such poor genes will not get a chance to mate and will therefore die, its fucked up genes die with it. Or 2 organisms that have poor genetic constitutions will produce an offspring with such a poor state of health that it dies before sexual maturity or is infertile.

In a human sense, if you are a slob, jobless, spending whatever handouts from your retired parents to pay for your 4D hoping to strike it big, then u r a loser that deserves to die a virgin. You are not exactly genetically weak, but your sexual fitness is at an all time low, and your ability to provide is non-existent. Dont spread your nonsense to future generations pls. Thanks.

[Let me make myself clear: I AM NOT A PROPONENT OF EUGENICS! One can make up for poor genetics by constantly improving themselves on other levels. When i say some losers deserve to die virgins i mean they can still live normal lives, just that they're virgins. I AM NOT SAYING go out and kill these fuckers before they get lucky!!!!]

To save myself a lot of accusations of being Hitler, i recommend you.....go......and.......
Wikipedia:
i) Selfish Gene (http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/selfish_gene)
ii) Sexual selection (http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/sexual_selection)
iii) Sexual fitness (http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/sexual_fitness)
iv) Mate choice (http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/mate_choice)

next time I'll tell you why gorillas have small balls

Its a sick sad world- and Im better because of it

I need papers when i shit, newspapers have a laxative effect on me. In the midst of that deluge of ads and photos of politicians lies very few things that catch my attention- like that report on Dennis Wee and how he eats 6 meals and shits 4 times a day (finally, someone other than me).

But als0 in the papers, are stuff that i just pass over, stuf that i dont wanna look at, stuff about little girls going missing, fathers molesting their children, bombs going off in Mid East. My life is happy, me knowing about stuff like this is not gonna change the world or make these people's lives less fucked up. So here I go in my safety bubble, thinking abt the next song to pilfer from the net, or that hot chick i used to check out at the Biz canteen.

Hot chicks in papers catch my attention...naturally. Like those that appear in the Newpaper New Face contest ads. They've changed the approach this year, its no longer so much about these hot girls next doors like days of yore, but now its about class, abt the finer things in life. Its wine instead of beer, Paris instead of Patpong. Its abt driving your Beemer up to Mount Faber for a nice evening instead of pumping your car stereo while driving your WRX into Zouk carpark. How nice......ahhhhh.....soothing isnt it?.......and then flip to the next page and you see how a tour bus crashes in Malaysia killing a driver and a young boy.

So whilst tonight some guys driving his beemer up to Mount Faber for a nice one, a father and mother are preparing for their son's funeral. This boy's never gonna drive that beemer up Mount Faber for a nice one. Someone drove him up to malaysia and that killed him.

Sure, knowing about these isnt to bring that boy to back to life, it isnt gonna return that missing girl to her parents, its not gonna stop bombs from blowing up villagers. But these remind me that there is more to this world than just cars and money and babes, and that I shouldnt bitch so much abt having to work to make a living, that i should look beyond the superficial veneers that we put over us to shield us from the harsher realities of this world (i wont even call it the 'real world' or the 'world outside', that suggests that we exist in a different reality. No. Thats our reality, thats the world we live in.)

Exercise for the day
Had a fucked up breakfast? Hate the food at the office canteen? In the time it takes for you to say "fucked up food like this shouldnt even be eaten"- one child lies dead because of hunger related diseases (1 child every 5 seconds). Think about this before every meal today.

GYM BULLSHIT

I suppose the natural thing to do while blogging is to talk about bland details of personal lives that no one cares about, is anyone even gonna read this?

Anyhow, here we go. Signed up for my trial gym (i wont say which one, but you know which one im talking abt) membership (sold to me by some PRC guy called Simon at NUS for $39, for two people). Went down there......and the bullshit never ends, spend my next fucking 2 hours there having these fuckers ask me to identify whats wrong with me, where are my imperfections, what do i wanna lose or gain. Even ask my girl how many inches of her thigh la, her arm la, that she wanna lose. Eh come on la, who the hell is goin to think about all these so specifically before coming to your bloody atas gym. Even the koobye VP or donno what fuck ang moh mother fucker also got pot belly, probably take all the money he earn from stupid yuppies to finance his beer.

And then they take us on tour, show us all the machines and what not. Ok, your machines zhai, banyak banyak, your trainers also very fit, but every where i go got these stupid gay looking arseholes staring angrily at me, like im going to steal their boyfriend like that. Please la, i like boobs, not your 'man-pussy' or your boyfriend's for that matter.

Also got one on one consultation about fitness goals- i say i want lean mass, they advise "cardio, resistance and core training"......eh come on la, i got no fitness trainer certificate i also know la, this is bloody common sense, any half past six gym goer read mensheatlh also know. The best part was one trainer tell me weight every year will change......wa, i cant believe people pay membership to get such 'solid' advice.

Speaking about membership- almost $400 for enrolment, 120+ for monthly, and 102 for processing fee. What processing fee need fucking 102 dollars?!!! I ask the girl (ok la, she was friendly and tried her best) why need 102 to print fucking card and do admin stuff...so the fucking angmog towkay can go drink beer and pick up our local girls is it?!!!
contract is for 12 month basis, when you first join you must pay the enrolment, the processing fee and 1st and 12th month monthly fee, come up to 600++.

I tell you what la, take your fancy towels, water bottles, posters and other fuckshit, roll it up nice nice, and stick it up your pantat. I go Club Fitt- the people's gym, the Heartlander's Healthzone, i only pay $2.50, student pay 1.50. Got shower, water cooler, and got trainer also. Even at Katong Gym (2.80 per entry), monthly membership last time offer at 30++. Tonnes cheaper, none of the bullshit. Go there, train, fuck off, thats what fitness should be.

[on a side note, they did give me a fitness test with some funky machine, probably the only valuable 10 minutes out of the entire 2 hrs squandered there. Im mildly overweight according to BMI, some muscle stiffness (at least better than shrinkage) and muscle weight at 58/77kgs. Not bad, my competitive eating traiing regime coming in handy]

Ok, so this blogging thing works, and i figured out how i can edit post to remove shit that might piss people off. Now to see how i can insert pictures....

Ok i have no idea who this fucker is, i just searched google for ugly man and this is what i got.
Fine, now i know how to add pics to a blog. Next thing to figure out is how to change the skin...

Internship does get me bored, ended up reading all these people's blogs, especially Tat's posts about how he is so intellectual and how it makes him sexy. Of course it is at times like this, in real life conversation i would probably blurt out a string of Hokkien profanities in response to Tat, i figured i should reserve such courtesy to real life interactions with real people with real feelings.

Anyway, figured out i might as well get into this blogging thing, so here I am testing this thing out.