filthosophy

Friday, February 23, 2007

The Realist Guide to Family Happiness

What is a realist
A realist is a former idealist, who in his naive years cared with all his earnestness to share with others his hopes, dreams and aspirations only to have them crushed by the very same people who are supposed to support him...the family.

But who can blame the family, it is also made up of realist, realist who too were idealist once, who having had their own aspirations mutate into endless bills, a quarrelsome spouse, naggy old matriarchs and economic downturns, feel a deontological responsibility to crush other idealists' dreams before they take root.

I feel it myself. Having made the recent switch from idealist to realist i suddenly feel an overwhelming urge to act as someone else's rigid rod of reality, and hammer into them the consequences of dreams.

Anyhow, this CNY visiting all the different family extensions got me thinking about certain things, and with that in mind, i decided to write the realist's guide to family happiness

Prologue
What would make, the people who are willing to dash in front of speeding vehicle just to save your life, the very same people who make life a living hell?
Ah yes, family, morbidly strange. The very people who claim to want the best for you and then make decisions to fuck things up. In this book, i will attempt to explain some of these strange behaviors, and then promptly give up. Instead, i will tell you the ways to get around these problems. Getting through them is NOT an option

Universal Principle:
You dont have to be happy to make your family happy

This world is a sick sad place, there isnt enough happiness to go around anymore. If you want your family to be happy, you got to trade in some of your own. Often times, doing what your family likes is opposite to what you want. Like marrying an ugly guy in an arranged marriage and having him demand hot sweaty sex for the rest of your life. Your family would be happy, as for you, just think abt creative ways to die when his bonking you.

Making your family happy means that everytime you do that, a little part of your soul dies, because you cant be what you want to be, aim for what you wanna achieve, and be the individual that you so clearly know you are. But like i said, the title is Family Happiness, not Self Happiness.

So here are the tips to make things a bit less fucked up

Tip #1: Lie to them
Whoever said honesty is the best policy ought to be fucked up the ass....hard. This is the most bullshit advice ever. Here's a simple experiment: go tell your family matriarch that you find her to be a domineering bitch and a difficult woman to live with.

It's honest, but it'll also get you a long and naggy rant about how hard life was and all the tremendous things she had to do to get to these stage where she's getting stuffed with the best that medical science has to offer.

You cant tell your family what it needs to hear ("I think selling the house is a bad decision"), you can only tell them what they want to hear ("as my parents, you are the supreme moral authority, and highest body of knowledge. Only with your superior wisdom and years of experience eating more salt than I have rice, can we circumvent this problem.")

Simply by telling them what they want to hear saves you lots of frustration and wasted effort to explain your divergent point of view. Nod attentively in agreement, and be on your way.

Tip # 2 Dont pee on their moral highground
I know it's frustrating, having a mother who screams at your father more often than anyone else in the family telling you not to talk back to your father. Having your father tell you to listen to your mother right after he talks back to his own. And having a grand old matriarch tell you the value of forgiveness and good temperant when she gets pissed off over the slightest infraction.
Remember, for some reason, just because they are older they will assume that the stuff they do is alright for them, but not for you. Doesnt matter if you're 24 or 33, if there's a couple of years between you two, they are the arbitrators of moral and ethical issues.

Tip #3 Dont argue with them
Ever tried getting a dog to stop peeing on your lawn? Did you try to reason with it, to explain your point of view? No? That's because it would be fucking frustratingly impossible to accomplish.
In a way, talking to parents is like that. They'll never listen to you, and if they do, they wont understand a damn thing you're saying. And before you get your point across they'll start barking mid sentence. So never argue with your parents, it's not worth your time. Feed them a bone and be on your way.

Disclaimer
Some people reading this post may think that Im ungrateful to my parents. The truth is, im very grateful to them for taking care of me. Which is why im not dumping their ass on the streets and moving into a bachelor pad where I can bring hot beautiful women home each night.
The fact is that is a very easy option which many guys to choose, but that's not me, that's no way to treat family, even if you think of them as dogs.

Remember, this book is about family happiness, and lying to family does help in keeping things sane. This book aint about sitting down and talking things out, because they wont listen and they wont admit they have a problem. And since you cant convince them to go see a counselor, this book of cheap tricks would have to do.

1 Comments:

  • hear hear. its shit sometimes but what to do? granma grabs your kid to feed, and she does it by trophollaxis - she chews the food in her gums, spits it out and gives it to the baby. Tell your her that this is unhygienice and she slap you one tight one - what are you to do? go one corner cry or something. still. family does count for something. Nothin's perfect so its good to make do with what life gave us, good or bad

    By Blogger YC, at 8:37 PM  

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