Why do Gorilla's have small balls?

Having tiny nuts isnt a sign that you are a loser, rather, its an indication that you are king, the alpha male, the grandaddy pimp of the animal world. So why do Gorillas have small balls? Simple- they dont need big ones.

You see, the gorilla is a pimp, its social system is called a harem- one male gorilla to several females and their young. Its really nice to see an entire gorilla family just chilling out- father, mothers, and kids (occasionally the females may engage in some bitchslapping because frankly, you'll get pissed too if you had to share your silverback with another female). Anyway, they remain faithful to each other, the females dont sleep around, and the male fights to protect and care for them.

This brings me to the point about parental investment (technical term). Primates (like gorillas, apes, you and me) take extremely long to reach maturity (refer to previous post). In between all the crying and screaming and baby arse wiping, you also gotta think about feeding and protection and habitat and whatever. Think about it, would you spend your time, money and effort taking care of a brat that isnt yours? I dont think so, neither will the male gorilla, with limited food and resources it cannot afford to. If im gonna care for some kid it better be carrying my genes, no use caring for some black kid that came from my chinese wife if you get what i mean.

After a nice shag the male gorilla is certain (paternal certainty) that the semen carried in its lady's ovaries is its own, and if any sperm is gonna be fertilising the egg, its gonna be his. Some other animals however, dont have such assurance. In the animal kingdom (as in most clubs, pubs and nightspots) the females have the upper hand. For every available female there will be a proportionately higher number of males offering dick. The female can take her pick whereas the rest get filtered out (refer to previous post, evolution and dead virgins).

Some females are classified as promiscous (technical term, not mine), they may have mutiple partners. This is beneficial because she can ensure that only the best sperm survives (out of the pool of many) and that her offspring has a maximal chance of thriving. If you were one of the lucky candidates that gets to mate you wanna maximise the chances of your sperm being the last man standing at the gates to the egg (sperm competition). To do that, you gotta get as many of your soldiers into the fray, to compete with soldiers from other camps. And to do that, you need a lot of jizz, you need to ejaculate more than your rivals. To have more of that love juice, you need larger nuts.

The gorilla doesnt need large nuts because its females are faithful. (Furthermore, some species have semen that forms a vaginal plug so that ejaculate from other males cant get through!).
In summary, if you have large nuts, it's nothing to be proud of. It just means your lady's banging with the neighbours.

Now that you know why gorillas have nano sized nuts, go google the following
i) sexual fitness
ii) sperm competition
iii) parental investment
iv) paternal/ parental certainty

Next time il tell you how we rule the world from the kitchen